![]() I had my 6-month dental visit this morning. Interesting addition to this post from this morning. And I ( think I) am happy about it □ My advice to you: find someone to hug! And don’t be afraid to ask for what you need – even if you don’t think you need it! If you’d asked me 2.5 years ago if I thought I would be rediscovering needs that I lost when I was 3 years old – I wouldn’t have any idea what you were talking about. Thanks for letting me put this in writing. No, maybe now I will know that ask from my wife comes from a very basic need that we all have. ![]() She has never done that – but it is a fear that has lived inside me for 25 years. I’ll finally understand that the ask from my wife isn’t, “Will you hold me so I can manipulate you into sex?” – and take what she wants. How will this help me? Well, perhaps I will begin to utter the words to my wife, “I need you,” or, “Please hold me,” when I feel the need? Also – maybe I won’t shy away (on the inside) from being asked to hold her or my daughters when they have the need. Sometimes she will just suddenly (seemingly from nowhere) say, “Can I have a hug?” My big revelation has been this: “Oh! So, what I felt about my mom in that dream – that’s what my wife and daughters are feeling when they want to be held or hugged!” I had no feeling or frame of reference before. My younger daughter (age 14) is even more affectionate. My older daughter (age 19) has had times she wants to be held because she’s really upset about something, and at other times she wants to just snuggle in close to me while we watch TV. And I will hold her – because I know she needs that. I thought about how there are times my wife just wants to snuggle or be held. I started thinking about my wife and my kids after I awoke from this dream. This need and feeling that I lost somewhere between the age of 3 and 5 is finally coming back to me. Because – these dreams unlocked in me what it feels like to need someone. My first response to these dreams, as I indicated at the top of this post, was to tell myself, “Ugh! What the hell? Why are you wanting to dredge up these early memories? It feels like you are digging where you don’t need to be digging!” However, I believe all of this is helping me to move one more step down the path of healing. And that 3-4 year old boy in me told me he thought my dad was such a good man. ![]() I asked my young self in the dream: “How do you feel about dad?” I responded to myself with feelings of adoration. He was very young and skinny in the dream, so I knew I was having a very young memory. I only saw the back of him in the dream – not his face. He didn’t say anything, and we didn’t say anything to him. Then in the dream, my dad walked through the room we were in. And I had been talking to my mom in the dream. Like the dream two nights before, I was very young. I awoke this morning again with a dream involving my parents only this time I remembered more. Last week I had a couple more dreams – from out of nowhere. Those were childlike moments – and the part of me that felt those emotions most was the very young part of me, so I allowed him to ask her for help. I have never said to you, ‘I need you!’” And the only times I asked to be held were moments over the last couple of years where I just fell apart emotionally. I asked my wife: “Have I ever told you I needed you? Or have I ever asked you to hold me?” The answer to the first half of the question was easy: “No. But… I have still not asked for these needs to be met by anyone. Once things cracked open a little last September and I started to feel the need for connection and touch, I finally acknowledged that maybe I do need those things. But the truth is… deep inside ( really deep inside) I long for these things still – because these are needs we all have as humans. I pushed those needs aside around the age of 3 years old because those needs weren’t being met. And that some of those basic, core needs are for connection and touch. And my conclusion in the post that followed was that we all have needs when we are really, really young. So I guess my answer to that question is, “Finally – yay?”īack in September 2022, I had a couple dreams that touched on things I don’t think I ever realized, understood, or felt. And I’ve asked myself whether recent occurrences are, “Ugh!” or whether they are more like, “Finally – yay!” I know the principle of healing: We Cannot Heal. I kind of wanted to put an, “Ugh!” onto the Subject line of this post.
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